Less Frequently Asked Questions
No one asked.
Here it is anyways.
Do you pay your bald team members the same as the ones who have hair?
Please. We don’t want to suggest that the work of the hairless is worth less than the work of the well-haired, but come on, if we start paying haired and hairless equally, what’s next? Letting bald people speak before they’re spoken to? It’s a very slippery slope.
What does the tandem bike represent?
Sorry, that’s actually a Frequently Asked Question. This is the LFAQ.
So how do I get to the FAQ?
We don’t have one.
Are there any popular phraseological misunderstandings you’d like to clear up?
Yes. For the love of Simba, unless you’re referring to an argument that ends in a tautology, it’s not “begging the question.” It’s “inviting (or demanding or suggesting) the question.” Google it.
What’s your position on foreign aid to hostile governments?
So glad you asked. We don’t have one, but we’d be happy to fake one to make ourselves look informed.
Is there a secret message hidden in the Happy Days lyrics?
There sure is. Happy Days was a hotbed of occult imagery, an allegory for the feast of Saturnalia, which becomes apparent with a simple textual analysis of the theme song. All other days of the week and their associated planetary gods (Sun Day, Moon Day, Tuwes Day, Odin Day, Thor Day, and Fris Day) are set out as inferior to the day “my cycle hums,” Saturn’s Day. The retreat of the gray sky and return of the blue signifies the end of the reign of Zeus, and return to the madness of the Titans, ruled by Saturn. It is nothing short of a tenebrous hymn to chaos.
Who does your hair?
We do it ourselves, on Thursdays (Thor’s day) in a scissor circle.